Older woman sitting at a holiday table with arms crossed while a younger woman stands in the background, showing tension during a family gathering.

The holiday season brings a lot of things—lights, laughter, food, football… and family.

And with family often comes friction.
Old roles, old wounds, old patterns can bubble back up without warning. Maybe you're returning to a childhood home—or sitting across the table from someone who still sees you as who you were, not who you’ve become.

So how do we navigate complicated family dynamics when the expectations feel heavy and the conversations feel fragile?

The answer may be simpler—and more powerful—than you think: humility.

Not the Norman Rockwell Version

Traditional 1950's family gathers for holiday meal — We all want the picture-perfect holiday: smiling faces, candlelight dinners, harmony and hugs. But for most of us, reality looks a little more like chaos than calm.
Someone dominates the conversation.
Someone brings up the past.
Someone shows up late… or doesn’t show at all.
Someone brings stress, dysfunction, or drama.
Sound familiar?

The truth is, no family is perfect—including yours. And the more we expect perfection, the more disappointed we’ll be.

That’s why Scripture offers a better path—one that brings peace into even the most unpredictable environments.

The Holiday Hack No One Talks About: Humility

In Philippians 2:1–4, the Apostle Paul writes:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves… not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.”

Humility doesn’t mean becoming a doormat or avoiding boundaries. It means entering the room without an agenda to win, impress, or fix anyone else.

It means:

Lowering expectations instead of raising your voice
Letting go of old grudges instead of trying to win the argument
Showing up to serve, not just to be seen

Paul doesn’t stop with theory. He points us to Jesus, who “made Himself nothing… taking the very nature of a servant… and humbled Himself to death on a cross.”

Three Simple Shifts That Change Everything

If you want to experience more grace and less tension this season, here are three simple declarations to guide your mindset:

1. I am a sinner.

Owning your own mess is the first step toward grace. We’re quick to spot dysfunction in others—but slower to recognize our own pride, sarcasm, or need to control. Remind yourself: “I’ve got issues too.” That posture opens the door for empathy and patience.

2. I will serve.

Whether it’s doing the dishes, helping with cleanup, or simply listening without interrupting—acts of service disarm tension. They shift the focus from me to we. Ask yourself: “How can I show up with a servant’s heart?”

3. I will surrender.

Not everything needs to be solved this Christmas. Surrender control. Surrender the need to be right. Surrender the outcome of that conversation. And most importantly, surrender yourself to Christ—just as you are, with open hands.

Handling Family Tension During the Holidays